The One

I have a boyfriend- although have been recently corrected by all sorts of institution in the UK to use the word "partner" for him. Either ways, he is my boyfriend, my partner and my best friend. And since I moved over to him, he is my everything and everyone. I don't think it's easy for him. I don't know if you have ever been someone's One. You get everything: all the frustration, all the joy all the sadness and all the good moments of someone. It can be quite a burden. He rings me and can get anything from "I love you" to "Could you please bring home some milk?" to "I don't know how to open the petrol tank so I'm worried I will run out of petrol tomorrow on my way to work so now I'm freaking out!"
So we need to clean the pod in the garden, pack our stuff for the new house, clean this house, fix everything in it, we need to this, we need to do that - it's so easy to get lost in all this and lose the romance.

There is a Hungarian poem, of which I would just quote:

Bántani én nem akarlak,
szavaimmal betakarlak,
el-elnézlek, amíg alszol.
Én sohasem rád haragszom,
de kit bántsak, ha nem téged,
az én vétkem, a te vétked,
mert akarva, akaratlan,
halálom hordod magadban,
(...)
és történhet már akármi
történhető, e világi,
oldhatatlan köt hozzád
a magasztos bizonyosság,
világrészek, galaktikák
távolából is mindig rád
emlékeztet ez a vétked.
Kit szeressek, ha nem téged. (Kányádi Sándor)

Which I would translate word-by-word like this:
"I wouldn't like to hurt you, I pamper you with my words, I look at you as you sleep, I'm never upset at you. But who should I hurt if not you, your sin is my sin, because wanted or not, you carry my death in you,(...) And may it happen anything possible, I am bond to you with an untieable and graceful certainty(...)Who should I love if not you."

I have been thinking about this a lot- this guy is the same person who makes my heart jump out and I feel like like I'm in the clouds. So I should make him know this.

If you are reading this and there is a One in your life as well, don't forget to say Thank you and never take them for granted...

Candles?

On my way home today as I was driving I kept reminding myself to buy some candles for tonight.

I was actually looking forward to this, because it has been a while since I have remembered those people who are now gone from my everyday life.

Today is All Saints day and we do celebrate it, in our own way. We don't necessarily remember those who fell in the wars or battles they fought for the nation (although they should have their due place in this day) but mostly we remember simple people. People who were not famous, not heroes, just heroes of our simple lives, our beloved ones.

Driving home, I was thinking how should I do this best, how many candles, tall or short, white or red - because that's the easy part, what you can buy and then for a second I just saw my grandmother in her humble simplicity, her head down as always and I just started crying. It didn't matter what will the candles be like, I just saw her with my emotional eyes and that's what mattered...of all.