First year...

On the back of the whole "It's been seven hours and fifteen days"...I can actually say it's been a year and a month since I started working in the UK, like a proper employee on UK payroll and rights and whatever comes with that kind of joy. I am 27, but I cannot think back to any year of my life that had as much as this year in it! Just so so much. And saying this with knowing that I went home and sat down to watch TV everyday. Even like this, I feel like I've grown so much!
I would have liked to share my everyday life with you (whoever reads this), but was just too depressed at the beginning.
Started writing this with the hope that I can share some experience with people who are in the same situation and found that whatever I would say would not only be demotivating, but probably sad and whining.
There is one important thing that I've learnt though and I would be more than happy to share this with you: there will be moments in your life when you'll think that you are not worth it and will look at other people for inspiration, recognition and encouragement. But before you got there and may not get it...just bear in mind that there is no one who knows you better than yourself. You are a well of memories. So bring your bucket and dive in

MK

I live in the city of lights...It's dar, but never dark as the night...there are so many lights in the city that they just reflect in the clouds. Tonight there is a purple sky

The One

I have a boyfriend- although have been recently corrected by all sorts of institution in the UK to use the word "partner" for him. Either ways, he is my boyfriend, my partner and my best friend. And since I moved over to him, he is my everything and everyone. I don't think it's easy for him. I don't know if you have ever been someone's One. You get everything: all the frustration, all the joy all the sadness and all the good moments of someone. It can be quite a burden. He rings me and can get anything from "I love you" to "Could you please bring home some milk?" to "I don't know how to open the petrol tank so I'm worried I will run out of petrol tomorrow on my way to work so now I'm freaking out!"
So we need to clean the pod in the garden, pack our stuff for the new house, clean this house, fix everything in it, we need to this, we need to do that - it's so easy to get lost in all this and lose the romance.

There is a Hungarian poem, of which I would just quote:

Bántani én nem akarlak,
szavaimmal betakarlak,
el-elnézlek, amíg alszol.
Én sohasem rád haragszom,
de kit bántsak, ha nem téged,
az én vétkem, a te vétked,
mert akarva, akaratlan,
halálom hordod magadban,
(...)
és történhet már akármi
történhető, e világi,
oldhatatlan köt hozzád
a magasztos bizonyosság,
világrészek, galaktikák
távolából is mindig rád
emlékeztet ez a vétked.
Kit szeressek, ha nem téged. (Kányádi Sándor)

Which I would translate word-by-word like this:
"I wouldn't like to hurt you, I pamper you with my words, I look at you as you sleep, I'm never upset at you. But who should I hurt if not you, your sin is my sin, because wanted or not, you carry my death in you,(...) And may it happen anything possible, I am bond to you with an untieable and graceful certainty(...)Who should I love if not you."

I have been thinking about this a lot- this guy is the same person who makes my heart jump out and I feel like like I'm in the clouds. So I should make him know this.

If you are reading this and there is a One in your life as well, don't forget to say Thank you and never take them for granted...

Candles?

On my way home today as I was driving I kept reminding myself to buy some candles for tonight.

I was actually looking forward to this, because it has been a while since I have remembered those people who are now gone from my everyday life.

Today is All Saints day and we do celebrate it, in our own way. We don't necessarily remember those who fell in the wars or battles they fought for the nation (although they should have their due place in this day) but mostly we remember simple people. People who were not famous, not heroes, just heroes of our simple lives, our beloved ones.

Driving home, I was thinking how should I do this best, how many candles, tall or short, white or red - because that's the easy part, what you can buy and then for a second I just saw my grandmother in her humble simplicity, her head down as always and I just started crying. It didn't matter what will the candles be like, I just saw her with my emotional eyes and that's what mattered...of all.

Friends

After my first two weeks in my new position, in my final role, I had my friends from home coming over.

I must say I was very much looking forward for them to come over and have imagined all sorts of things that we would do and eat and go to. For most of them, we didn't even have time. But we managed to squeeze in as much as possible.

Friday afternoon driving back from Stonehenge, my friend just said that she couldn't imagine herself being capable of driving with 90 miles per hour on the dual carriageway and that she must admit , she admires me for moving over here and getting use to life in the UK.

And after two weeks of constant questioning myself, of indefinite doubt whether I am doing things alright or am I completely hopeless, for the first time, I have felt proud. Proud for coming where I come from, from a small town, moving here, driving to work everyday so far (on the wrong side) and basically managing myself in this environment. I haven't seen myself like this. So far I just saw myself as someone who is checking all the time, whether she is understanding everything, doing everything as the others etc.

To top this up, my other friend call me, just to check up on me and see how I was.

It was a day when I understood the gravity of the word: friend.

first days...

First days in new jobs are almost all the same. I don't think that there comes a time when you are ready to have a first day. However if the rain fall, you start of your day with getting lost and trying to wipe your screen to turn off the full beam, you get discouraged. No matter how great you are. Once you're there, things just pile up.

For a while now I have been praying for my family, even if it would cost me less happiness (cause I thought I was doing way too well), now I'm thinking: Can we not reach to a compromise?

I think I would just need someone around me when I'm thinking these thoughts and writing them down. I could really use a hug...

Fights

I think it has been a while since I wrote here. In the mean time, I have been on holiday...which was not as great as last year...as we both agreed with Simon and we have also done house hunting in our free time.
So we decided to buy a house and started to look at them for about a month now. We have set a couple of things that we want and just started searching for a house that has got it all. We've seen some great houses and poor areas and not so good looking houses in great areas. I think we have changed our priorities dozens of time, trying to get the most out of this.
We even had our first real fight about this. Which reminds me of a friend of mine who said that until they bought the house, they had a lot of fights with her husband. Not anymore. And then another friend of mine said that after they had their first child, they had some harsh words for the first time in their lives.
I think big decisions always go with pressure. And it's always good to have a couple of healthy fights to see at the end how much and why you love each other and I guarantee you if you love each other at the end it always works out for the best. This is what we are experiencing now. I actually think of it as something good and useful. It was about time...